Good Morning Baltimore

For the past year or so it has been my dream to move to Baltimore. Any city is better than living in South Jersey at my age. Although, it would be a big move for me, I’ve been more than willing to take the risk. Then last night I realized your girlfriend has moved to my dream city…like really…out of every city in Maryland. Even better she’s working for Hopkins (doing god knows what as a systems specialist). Our last (drunken) conversation you referred to my dream (Baltimore) as a shithole and in the same conversation informed me you were “talking” to Hopkins. So should I assume you’ll also be moving to Baltimore…that is if you even get a job there. My GOD. I will kill myself if I end up in the same city as you and your girlfriend. That is literally how I picture a nightmare. I’ll have to do more snooping on this matter, but in the meantime I’ll keep living up my single life and applying for jobs in BALTIMORE. Also, being depressed at the thought of you moving there. -___- I refuse to destroy any of my dreams for your dumbass.


I feel bad for the girls who are dumb enough to think their boyfriends are loyal.

I can say this because I was one of those girls. I was different though. I already knew my boyfriend wasn’t loyal, but I was too stupid and comfortable to end things. It’s a hard task to give up your first love because you cannot immediately be friends. Some people will never become friends. It’s been almost 4 years since I was that dumb girl and I can honestly say that we are friends. The kid drives me fucking insane, but sometimes it’s hard to fully give up the person who knows you best in this world.
Enough about my stupid 19 year old self. I often think about the girls who are with guys who are cheaters. There are two situations you may find these girls in. One- the girl knows, chooses to ignore it and stay with the guy. I find these girls pathetic. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater ladies. Two- the girl just doesn’t know what a fucktard her boyfriend is. I feel bad for them. These types of girls I feel for because I am causing a situation like this. I hate it, but I can’t stop. The cheating isn’t physical, but if we were close enough I truly believe it will be. I will admit that he started this “sexting” but I have done nothing to stop it. Instead, I believe I am egging him on. You may be thinking “why would you do this to another girl, when clearly you’ve been through it yourself?” This is true, but he’s my exboyfriend and in this crazy head of mine I keep thinking -I had him first. I need to stop this before it gets too out of hand. It only happens drunkenly, but that doesn’t make it right. It also doesn’t help that I don’t like her. I’ve never been fond of her. I’m a fuck up and a homewrecker.


Don’t get attached. You’ll get your heart broken.



Why do we chase the worst people for us?

I think it’s finally time that I admit it- I still have extremely strong feelings for my ex boyfriend (also known as the WORST person in the world). I constantly ask myself “why am I chasing such a terrible person, shouldn’t he be easy to get over? WRONG. I wish I could answer my own question, but I can’t. I may be crazy, but it’s not just me popping back into his life. He’s the one who started this. Drunkenly, he finally got the balls to text me. Spoiler alert- I answered and things turned sexual. Even better, he still has a girlfriend. The next day he informs me “nothing happened, we just talked on the phone…” We all know that’s not true. If we weren’t three and a half hours way things would have gotten real weird. After that we don’t speak for the whole week but now he’s reeled me in. I desire him now. As queer as this is to say, I long for his touch. (we haven’t seen each other since May). It’s been over a year since I’ve had that touch. Meanwhile, I continue to feel like a cheating whore, even though we didn’t have physical sex. I drink far too much on my birthday and decide to text him. Yes, yes I know I threw away my upper hand at that moment. That conversation went no where and left me feeling absolutely pathetic. No worries, I gained that upper hand back the next night when he drunkenly texted me. This time I didn’t answer and felt so good about it. Anyone wanna guess what happened next? Yep, this past weekend I once again texted him. I was only a few beers in and grew the balls to ask him if he ever wanted to meet up (TO CATCH UP). I wasn’t even attempted to be a hussie and only asked for a lunch. DENIED. It isn’t right because he’s still “talking” to her. Oh you guys are talking? I’m pretty sure most would call that dating but please continue to downplay your relationship to me. This time I took charge and managed to change the conversation to a more sexual one. It became much worse the more drinks I had in my system. It made it all the way to the point where I was sending photos. I know you’re thinking “what the actual fuck is wrong with you?” I’m not the cheating whore type who gets enjoyment out of being a homewrecker. It feels more like an accident. I chose the next day to turn the conversation back into an innocent one…No answer. Two days later, still no answer. So to sum this up- the kid’s a dick. He acts as though he’s not cheating. Sweetie, you are. Just because you’re not physically inserting your penis anywhere doesn’t mean you’re innocent. There are millions of ways to cheat. You’re nailing it. As much as I hate you though, I still desire to see you. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I chase you…still? We’re not right together and never will be. Anyone know how I can stopping chasing the WORST people?


I’m really not sure what any of your actions ever mean. A week before Christmas I received a text message video from you. It did not have a caption nor did you ever text me (like a normal human would) and say “sorry that wasn’t for you.” So what the actual fuck was that about. I began to assume it was an accident, but then you liked one of my photos. Why? Who the hell knows. Then the next day you liked another one. WHY. None of it makes sense and it’s driving me crazy. Did you fucking know it would drive me crazy? Because you nailed it. To top it off, two days later you unliked them both? HAHA WHAT. Was this an attempt to get in my head and when you didn’t get a response from me you chose to unlike them? Did your new “girlfriend” confront you about it (I would if I were her) and you decided it would be appropriate to delete the evidence? Nothing makes sense. I honestly assume this isn’t the last I am going to “hear” from you. Why bother me though? I haven’t contacted you since I wanted to speak in person. Why now? Do you actually even like this girl? Do you ever even like any of the girls you date? I mean you and her have lasted longer than we did. You also didn’t have the distance issue and you also dated me during the worst summer of my life. I just wish I could contact you without feeling dumb. I wish I could think of the perfection explanation for all of your actions. I wish that you would grow the fuck up and actually apologize to me. That would be a change of pace for once. I wish I could understand why we broke up because you didn’t want a girlfriend and now you have one? What was so wrong with me? Why wasn’t I good enough for you? I am extremely jealous that you did spend New Years together since you and I never have the opportunity. I wonder if we tried again if things would be different. I feel I have changed, maybe you have to? Probably not. You’re probably still a fucking jackass. 


the-inspirational-quotes:

Inspirational Quotes #NewPost [1]

the-inspirational-quotes:

Inspirational Quotes #NewPost [1]



nosetspa:

Sierra Dugger: Music #Lockerz http://is.gd/5t2D6p

nosetspa:

Sierra Dugger: Music #Lockerz http://is.gd/5t2D6p

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