I think it’s finally time that I admit it- I still have extremely strong feelings for my ex boyfriend (also known as the WORST person in the world). I constantly ask myself “why am I chasing such a terrible person, shouldn’t he be easy to get over? WRONG. I wish I could answer my own question, but I can’t. I may be crazy, but it’s not just me popping back into his life. He’s the one who started this. Drunkenly, he finally got the balls to text me. Spoiler alert- I answered and things turned sexual. Even better, he still has a girlfriend. The next day he informs me “nothing happened, we just talked on the phone…” We all know that’s not true. If we weren’t three and a half hours way things would have gotten real weird. After that we don’t speak for the whole week but now he’s reeled me in. I desire him now. As queer as this is to say, I long for his touch. (we haven’t seen each other since May). It’s been over a year since I’ve had that touch. Meanwhile, I continue to feel like a cheating whore, even though we didn’t have physical sex. I drink far too much on my birthday and decide to text him. Yes, yes I know I threw away my upper hand at that moment. That conversation went no where and left me feeling absolutely pathetic. No worries, I gained that upper hand back the next night when he drunkenly texted me. This time I didn’t answer and felt so good about it. Anyone wanna guess what happened next? Yep, this past weekend I once again texted him. I was only a few beers in and grew the balls to ask him if he ever wanted to meet up (TO CATCH UP). I wasn’t even attempted to be a hussie and only asked for a lunch. DENIED. It isn’t right because he’s still “talking” to her. Oh you guys are talking? I’m pretty sure most would call that dating but please continue to downplay your relationship to me. This time I took charge and managed to change the conversation to a more sexual one. It became much worse the more drinks I had in my system. It made it all the way to the point where I was sending photos. I know you’re thinking “what the actual fuck is wrong with you?” I’m not the cheating whore type who gets enjoyment out of being a homewrecker. It feels more like an accident. I chose the next day to turn the conversation back into an innocent one…No answer. Two days later, still no answer. So to sum this up- the kid’s a dick. He acts as though he’s not cheating. Sweetie, you are. Just because you’re not physically inserting your penis anywhere doesn’t mean you’re innocent. There are millions of ways to cheat. You’re nailing it. As much as I hate you though, I still desire to see you. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I chase you…still? We’re not right together and never will be. Anyone know how I can stopping chasing the WORST people?